Rear Guard Conquers Blue Funk

Have you ever been in a blue funk where your perception leads you to believe you’re insignificant? Perception is the keyword here.

Recently, I was in such a place. A pity-party place God never intended for me but used to show me my worth as a friend.

Within a short period of time, two people cancelled their plans with me. Why was I so bummed about this? Well, as a youngster I was taught the value of keeping your word and telling the truth. By doing so you showed respect to others.

So when a friend with a history of backing out on plans cancelled just hours before a ticketed event, I felt disrespected. Another person didn’t tell the truth about her reason for cancelling another get-together. These two situations and several others came at me like rolling thunder clouds. I felt chewed up, spit out and stomped on… repeatedly.

Felt is the pertinent word here.

A celebrity recently said rejection is God’s protection. Hmm. God must have been in the middle of showcasing that He would be my “rear guard” (Isaiah 58:8 NKJV). Although I felt rejected, God saw the bigger picture. He had my back.

I must add that since moving to my new Dallas apartment, it’s been harder making new friends. We all desire human companionship as well as a sense of community. God created that need in each of us.

As I poured out my melancholy heart to an out-of-state girlfriend, she prayed for me. Two hours later that Friday night, I stood beside a volunteer named Carrie while serving meals at a soup kitchen for the homeless. Please note I’d never volunteered during that time slot before nor met this lady.

Have you ever had something so unexpected change your outlook about yourself? Something that can only be explained as a God thing? This encounter was one of those moments.

When I told Carrie I was looking for a new church home, she invited me to a service in a Dallas suburb the following night. You know what’s amazing? I’d been visiting that church’s north Dallas campus for several weeks.

A coincidence? I think not.

After that Saturday night service, Carrie, her husband and I drove back to their loft in downtown Dallas. Wow! I was blown away. I’d chosen that historic building where they live as the home of a character in my fiction novel.

A music festival was in full swing at the park across the street from their place, so we stepped outside to enjoy the concert. The sights, sounds, and smells of a Saturday evening in downtown rejuvenated my soul. A calm delight settled in me as I got to know this beautiful couple. We talked about our families and told many of our life stories—some pretty comical. This must be what New York City is like at night when you’re in the company of good friends.

It amazes me I felt like such a failure in relationships the day before, yet there I was having a great time with these people. God is so merciful. He used a chance meeting to show me I am still important to Him, and still capable of cultivating authentic friendships.

Using Carrie’s apartment building in my story was a godsend, showing us something we had in common. With both of our lives built on the rock of Christian faith, what better foundation to build a new friendship?

“Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.” – Isaiah 58:8 NKJV

The Stewpot Patrons

Older folks shuffle slowly behind their metal walkers. Younger adults enter with headphone wires snaking down their necks and disappearing beneath clothing. Others carry garbage bags filled with their only possessions.

My task this day is to ladle a spoonful of beans on these clients’ plates. Within forty-five minutes, three vats that once held the steaming lentils are empty, taken away and replaced by a staff member.

Twice a week at lunchtime in downtown Dallas, I help out at the Second Chance Café located in a homeless assistance center and run by The Stewpot. Those without a roof over their head are guaranteed a hot meal two times a day, seven days a week here. For an hour and a half on both days, I get to serve others instead of dwelling on my current situation—searching for a job.

“Thank you for coming,” a raspy-voiced woman says to the food servers. “We appreciate it.”

And they really do.

Several people coming through the doors are whom many Americans expect to see in such a place: the senior citizen with unkempt hair and sunken lips; the patron with bloodshot eyes placing one foot in front of the other as if trying to pass a sobriety test; and the person scoffing when a helper tries to hand a food tray to her—a sure sign of some mental disorder.

A man small in stature pulls down the bill of his ball cap as if trying to hide the massive abrasion now scabbed over on the side of his face. Another enters the building with a shiner below his cracked eyeglass lens and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The situations they face each day in their dog-eat-dog world rip my heart wide open.

Then there are the clients that surprise me: the twenty-something with a computer satchel slung over his shoulder; the lady with beautiful ebony skin and manicured nails; and the silver-haired gentleman who looks as though he should be sitting in a plush leather chair in a corner office instead of a plastic seat in a soup kitchen.

These are the faces of the homeless. With their bellies filled, they make their way out of the building and back to the streets.

The Bible makes it clear Jesus wants us to help the poor and feed the hungry. As a youngster, compassion for the downtrodden tugged at my heart. Now, serving the homeless satisfies that deep desire to do something for the less fortunate—it just took me decades to figure that out.

My life feels in balance just knowing I’ve touched others with the love of Christ one meal at a time.

“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”  – Matthew 25:37-40 NKJV